Deliberate Leaders: Subtle Words that Sell with Paul Ross

Reading Time: 24 Minutes

NLP practitioner Paul Ross has taught tens of thousands of people how to persuade, sell, and heal. Get motivated as you discover the power you have to design your own results!

After the Interview

About Paul Ross

 Paul is an author, speaker, trainer, Master Hypnotist, and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Over the last 30 years, he has taught tens of thousands of people the power of language to persuade, sell, heal, turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones, and pain into passion. Paul’s speeches and trainings have had the ability to motivate audiences around the world to discover the power they have to design their own results.

Read the Transcript

This transcript was auto-generated from the original video recording using Otter Voice Meeting Notes. While the transcript has not been human edited, we hope it will still help you to quickly find or reference useful information from the interview.

0:05 

Deliberate Leaders I am your host Allison Dunn, Executive Coach and founder of the Deliberate Leaders Podcast, where we’re dedicated to helping leaders build strong, thriving businesses. Each episode, we feature inspiring interviews to help you on your leadership journey. And today, I am super excited to introduce our guest. His name is Paul Ross. He is an author, speaker trainer, Master hypnotist, he just tried to hire me before our podcast, right?

0:34 

It wasn’t a try, I heard you going on there.

0:40 

He is also a master of Neuro Linguistic program. Over the years, he has taught 10s of 1000s the power of language to persuade, sell, he’ll turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones and pain into passion. halls, speeches and trainings have had the ability to motivate audiences around the world to discover the power, they have to design their own results. Paul, thank you so much for joining us today. We’re happy to have you.

1:10 

Well, thank you. And as you’re listening to my voice out there in podcast land, I’m not sure all the ways you might stop and find yourself thinking, wow, this is some fascinating information that Paul is sharing. But I’m just so happy to be the one who can allow you to conclude, I need more from Paul. So thinking about it just like that. Let’s move forward. Allison.

1:33 

Fantastic. I like that. That’s setting the stage for what it is that you want. That’s awesome. And in, in your in researching you you basically state that thoughts and words that people use on a regular basis for what shaped their behaviors, and then that then creates their trajectory for their future. So can you just give the foundation for what that means?

1:58 

Yeah, sure. So in my understanding and my passion for language, here’s what I have learned. And by the way, nothing I’m presenting today is true with a capital T, it’s only my model for the way things work, it’s subject to error and open to change and improvement. What I believe to be the case is this language structures, consciousness, shapes, decisions, and drives behavior. And if you want to be a leader, you need to shape the decisions of the other person because you’re never selling a product or service or the actions you want them to take. You’re always selling decisions and good feelings about decisions. So leadership is really about enrollment, enrolling other people in their in, in your vision, but showing them how their own needs can be met by the vision that you’re presenting to them. And that requires that you shape their consciousness. Now, can I give you a metaphor to unpack this and make it a lot more easy for you to really understand my words, we would love that. Alright, so this is not a trick question doesn’t require advanced training in physics or the material science. Let’s say I have a current of electricity. I want to conduct it through two mediums. One is a piece of cardboard, one is a piece of gold foil. This is not a trick question. Which one of those is going to conduct the electricity, the cardboard, or the gold foil?

3:23 

I assume the gold foil.

3:24 

Exactly. So the state of mind that you want your followers in is like that conductive medium, if they’re in that cardboard of being distracted, unable to focus, skeptical, even worse, cynical, not trusting their own ability to make the decision to follow you. Because nowadays, people just don’t trust their ability to make good decisions. It used to be that you only had to get them to trust you. Now you have to lead them gently. And I would say semi hypnotically into believing that they can trust their own ability to make a good decision because a lot of people, even the most intelligent, capable people have a lot of unconscious programming that’s telling them I don’t know how to make up my mind. I’m dumb. I can’t do it. What’s the use? That’s boiling, simmering, bubbling beneath the surface layer of apparent competence, apparent competency. So you have to account for that when you are setting out in the mission of enrolling people in your vision. And once you’re enrolled in your vision, getting them to take action on it. There’s many bumps and blocks and little traps and pitfalls along the way there and that journey. Does that make sense?

4:39 

That makes perfect sense. So in working with people, do you feel that they have a clear enough vision to enroll people or is that maybe the stumbling block or challenge?

4:51 

It depends. I often find that people’s vision is not aligned with their core values. I believe in what I call the aligned to mind not a cause. of mine, because you can be positively sure that you want to make $10 million and go out and become a drug lord. Or it could be that you find out that making that money doesn’t make you happy at all. I have a former colleague who decided that he was going to be a student of mine with the ultimate plan of getting on stage with me and becoming famous and getting a following. And all it did was feed into his innate narcis. narcissism, and it wound up destroying him. So we want to make sure that our vision is aligned with our values. What is it that we value most? So I think before we go on a vision quest, we need to go on a values quest, we need to figure out what really are my values? If I get this? What’s it going to bring to me? So can I share a big bonus that I only do with my VIP trainings?

5:51 

Oh, absolutely.

5:52 

All right. So I like to people to ask people the magic question. If you woke up tomorrow, and your vision was fully realized? How would you know that it was fully realized? And why would it make a difference for you? Why and how would it make a difference for the people immediately around you who love you? And why? And how would it make a difference for the world at large? So in order to answer that question, you really have to take a hypnotic deep dive, it’s much different question than what do you want? Or Where do you see yourself five years from now? That I hate that question, I was never able, that never triggered anything in me. But when you asked that question, if you woke up tomorrow, and by some magic wave of the wand, all of your limiting beliefs were gone, and your vision was fully fulfilled? How would you know? Why would that matter to you? Why would it matter to the people immediately around you who love you? And how and why would it matter to the world at large? That requires a much deeper search and to what it is that you value? So I don’t believe vision quests are nice going your vision quest, but along with that, you better go into a values examination of values quest. Does that make sense? And so I think the real leader knows the art of enrollment, has a clear vision, and also knows what values backup that visions.

7:20 

That all makes sense. And I think that’s a super deep transition away from just you know, what do you what do you want. So I love that

7:28 

I went to a seminar of self improvement, it’s turned out to be a semi cult, and they do this exercise where they surround you in a circle. And you know, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want, I’m thinking, get the hell out of here and go to lunch. I was also thinking you to use some mouthwash because you’re right in my face. And you could knock a buzzard off of bleep wagon.

7:50 

Oh, goodness.

7:53 

I like your pairing of aligned mind. That’s, that’s a that’s a fun way of being able to look at it where your vision and your values are aligned. Right?

8:04 

It goes deeper than that. If we have a deeper dive down the rabbit hole Do you want to take with me because this goes pretty deep.

8:11 

We can go one more level and see if I want to come back up.

8:14 

Well, I also believe that there’s different types of consciousness that you want to cultivate. There’s a creative consciousness where you imagine your future, imagining having achieved your goals, connecting with your higher self, if you believe in that I happen to believe in something like that. That’s creative consciousness, it’s necessary. There’s will consciousness, whereas entrepreneurs, we know we have to keep charging, we get knocked down eight times, we get up nine times. Actually, the Japanese proverb is get knocked down seven, get up eight. And then there’s what I like to call witness consciousness, it’s the ability to compassionately and clearly look at our patterns. as they arise without getting stuck in them, we develop the ability to look at our beliefs rather than looking through them. So they’re no longer something that distorts our perception and drives our behavior, but instead becomes something that’s just a source of information. Does that make sense? So if you really want to get into the aligned mind, it’s about aligning those different states of mind and thinking, which state of consciousness do I really want to bring to bear in this problem? Let me just unpack it. Let me that’s very high in the sky, a high conceptual stuff, but let me unpack it for you, if I may. Well, consciousness is very important as an entrepreneur, but you also have to be able to dream of creative solutions and your goal. And then when you make mistakes, all entrepreneurs make mistakes, all leaders make mistakes. You need to be able to see what you did without blaming yourself without blaming another person, finger pointing, blaming the universe. Can you look at what you did with objectivity, clarity and compassion. That’s why I meditate for me the only way to develop that level of consciousness is to meditate. So I think often when get in trouble. It’s worth applying the wrong kind of consciousness to the problem. It’s great to have well, consciousness, but if you’re in a spat with your significant other and you’re going to use, that’s not gonna work. Right.

10:16 

Thank you for unpacking that.

10:19 

I need to create a course on this is a deep dive.

10:24 

I’m going to tee it up, it’s if we were to put a what price? Do we put on it?

10:28 

$1,997

Unknown Speaker  10:33 

it’s a good round. There we go.

10:37 

I, one of the things that that I think I understand you believe is that an individual can create or cultivate confidence. So can you enlighten me on that? Sure. Sure.

10:50 

Well, I’m gonna get highly conceptual with you. Again, I don’t think there is any such thing as confidence. Meaning confidence is not a thing, like a quart of oil in your car, and you need to add an additional court because your court low confidence is an activity that you do. So for me, confidence is not a thing. It’s a series of practices that you do daily, weekly, monthly are you doing for the rest of your life? So one of my and they’re different flavors of confidence. One of my favorite forms of confidence, my favorite flavor is learning confidence. So I don’t always know that I can do everything. Well, I don’t. There’s certain things I know I do well, because I’ve done them well, 1000 times before I know I’m a good podcast guest. Because I’ve done well, lots of times, I have the experience under my belt. But then there’s learning confidence, which says I’m stepping into something. I’m a beginner. I don’t know when I’ll master this, but I have confidence, I can learn from every experience, I have confidence, I can find the right teachers who will guide me on my path. That’s a very important kind of confidence because it allows for uncertainty. It allows for the novelty of stepping into the unknown, stepping outside your comfort zone. But it gives you a toolset to do that. Here’s a question for you. I want to turn around Allison, how many times have you heard the piece of advice and I asked your audience at home, or wherever they’re listening to this in their cars, wherever? How many times have you heard that piece of advice? Just learn from your mistakes?

12:25 

A lot?

12:26 

Has anyone given you a specific process for doing that?

12:31 

No,

12:33 

it drives me crazy. I used to hear this and say okay, tell me how and when they just moved on occasion, I would raise my hand say can you tell me how to do that. And they’d say, well bring it up after lunch, of course. And then I was asked to leave the event. I wear it as a badge of honor that I’ve been kicked out of more self improvement events that you can imagine. They’re like, imaginary metals on my chest. Where was I lost my train of thought. And here comes my kitty cat.

13:03 

And we are talking about how to learn from our mistakes. Yeah. You’re not going to share that? are you sharing the technique on how to do that? Or you’re still waiting for it?

13:14 

Oh, no. Well, one of the things you need to learn to do is to develop a meditation practice where I do nine minutes a day, where you can learn to look at what you did, without blame without shame. And the first thing you look at is what did I do, right? We have an orientation today to look at what we’ve done wrong. That’s the orientation we have in school. But here comes my kitty to help me do the broadcast. He is a cutie. No, don’t sit there. I’m sorry, I may throw it positive throw her out right now she’s been okay. So we first noticed what we do did right. Secondly, notice, what could we have done differently? What could we have added in that we didn’t have in the first place? What could we have subtracted out, like let’s say we were talking too much and not listening to the other person, we could have subtracted that out completely or greatly diminished it. So these are the kinds of things that we need to do to start the process of learning from our mistakes. It’s an intricate thing that I teach in workshops. It’s really not something I can fully unpack here, but I hope you see the difference between arrogant confidence or whatever it is saying, I know I can do this. When in reality you’re embarking on something new and I don’t believe in people fooling themselves. There’s a difference in confidence and competence. So if I’ve never if I’ve never spoken to 50,000 people before or 5000 people before I’ve never spoken to anybody for that matter. And I say to myself, I know I can kill it. I know I can kill it. I know I can kill it. Maybe your unconscious mind will believe it. Maybe it won’t. But if instead you going with I can have fun pushing my boundaries and learn from the experience. Excuse No matter what happens, then you’re going to get a different result.

15:05 

For sure.

15:06 

I would consider you to be like the master of subconscious sales. And so I’m hoping you can give us some techniques on how, how can we build our ability to tap into the subconscious mind.

15:24 

There’s so many different ways to do this. Here’s one way to establish your leadership, I’m going to give you four or five words you can use in the first minute of addressing a group to give them hypnotically the impression on the subconscious or unconscious level doesn’t matter which word you use, they’re interchangeable, that you are their leader, and they want to follow you would you like to hear that? I would say something like, before we begin this exploration of learning about hypnotic selling today, I just want to invite you to please share the questions that naturally arise when a great learning is taking place. So notice the words before we what is we imply? Not before I speak to you on this topic, but before we explore, we implies already that we have some kind of togetherness, then I say the word explore. When there’s an exploration, there must be a leader. And therefore for every leader, there must be a what? Exactly. So these are what I call implied relationship words. Now you’re implying we together explore, I invite you an invitation do we extend an invitation to someone who we really don’t have some kind of relationship with? Not really not to anything significant. And finally, notice, I didn’t say ask the questions. I said, share the questions. What’s the difference between asking and sharing?

16:58 

And once a gift, or share I look at sharing is something that you do the other person, why would the other person and I feel like asking is just one way.

17:11 

Exactly. So within the first two minutes, you can establish on the unconscious level through suggestion. So here’s a rule. Whatever you can get a person to imagine for themselves will be perceived by them as being their own thought. And therefore they will not resist it. There are two ways to do that, through the power of suggestion. And through the power of implying something. So we share together, explore invite these all these words, all imply without staining it, that we have a relationship of, I’m your fault, I’m your leader, you’re my follower. If I, let’s say I directly said as a witness in a minute, I’m going to count to three. And when I snap my fingers, you will perceive me as being your unquestionable leader, you will trust me and do whatever I say, what would happen, I get booed off the stage. But in fact, through using suggestion and a careful selection of words, I’m installing at the level below conscious awareness, that perception so that they now getting back to my metaphor, that conductive medium is now like gold foil. They’re now in that gold foil state of wanting to believe me, already perceiving me as their leader, and being very receptive to whatever facts data or information, I then feed through that medium. Does that make sense?

18:36 

It does make sense. Ken, so I appreciate the gold foil lens on leadership. How, how can you apply this also in like a sales type of scenario?

18:50 

Oh, wow. So there’s so many different ways you can do that, let’s say handling objections. I love handling objections. So can we dive a little bit into that?

19:01 

Yes, because we all have objections we don’t like handling. So how I love it.

19:04 

This is my this is when I perk up. Bruce Lee, I think you know who Bruce Lee was the famous martial artists. Bruce Lee, when he taught his martial art g kundo. said there’s no attack, there’s just an opportunity to. So when someone throws a punch at you get happy because that’s an opportunity to make them more vulnerable to your to your attack. Now, this is not about attacking. That’s a little bit of a hostile metaphor. But I’ll put it to you like this. There’s something in human nature that looks for patterns. Human beings are pattern making machines. When we take person a person’s expected pattern of response, thinking, acting feeling, and we interrupt it, we create a state of profound suggestibility. I’ll tell you a story. Back when I used to be a dating coach, I’m a former dating coach. I had a client call me up and he said would you go with Me to this restaurant. I want to try to meet women. I said, I just don’t do that. I don’t take clients out. He said, I’ll give you $10,000 cash. And my answer instantly switched to short what night? What time? So he actually dumped 10 grand in my living room. So let’s go. I took him to this restaurant that had a patio area. And this guy not only was striking out he was crashing and burning. Allison, have you ever had the experience of watching someone get humiliated to the point where you felt embarrassed for them? Yes, that’s what I was feeling fine. I couldn’t take it. After two hours. I dragged him out of there. And there was a lovely lady waiting for her cab. This is way before the years of Uber. And I said, Look, there’s a lovely lady waiting for her cab. Now somehow it went in the wrong way. And she got furious. She was screaming at me, cussing me out telling me to do things with parts of my anatomy that were physiologically impossible. My student got really mad. He got red in the face, he went to charge her, I put my arm out. So no, she can do whatever she wants. We decide where we come from. Look at her. She’s someone’s sister. She’s someone’s daughter. She’s someone’s best friend. Somewhere she’s deeply loved. Now there’s a moment of confusion, then she burst into tears come running up to me and said, that’s the most loving thing I’ve ever heard anyone say my I just I love you. You’re Wow, that’s so wonderful. I took her from rage and hate to love by breaking her pattern by totally interrupting her pattern. So let me give you let me draw now how this applies to sales. Let’s say someone gives you the objection. I need more time to think it over. Play with me. Let’s just throw that objection at me. Sure.

21:44 

I need to think it over. I need just need more time to think it over.

21:50 

I understand. Allison, have you ever had the experience of taking a long time to think something over and it still turned out to be a bad decision? Yes. Maybe it’s not about time. But about the clarity you need to recognize you really can move forward today. So thinking about it just like that? What concerns Do we really need to bring out in the table so you can see this is a great decision that opens. So when I give what I call a counter example. counter example simply takes the reasoning that the buyer is giving you and it turns on its head and says that very reasoning will actually lead to pain, not pleasure. Does that make sense? Yes. I’ll give you another one. My parents were real estate agents, and they consistently heard Can you come down a little bit on your commission? And they always said yes, because they wanted to be liked and didn’t know what to do. So I teach my realtors and I teach all sorts of people to say, Well, Mr. Smith, with the right agent, you’re not paying a commission, you’re investing in skills. So that’s a profound reframe right there. I’m making it not about pain, but about investing. And I teach him saying maybe you get lucky with a bargain basement auction, but you really want to gamble with the most important asset of your life, your home. So we’re completely reframing it. As it’s not about pain, it’s about an investment. And we’re saying if you don’t rely on someone with good skills, you’ll have to gamble. So it’s a complete reframe of the prospects entire way of thinking. It’s sort of verbal, hypnotic jujitsu, that completely changes their frame of mind.

23:40 

That’s brilliant.

23:41 

Thank you. What was that? I get hard of hearing. Whenever someone wants to praise me, I just I get very hard of hearing.

23:53 

How does one practice the ability to identify that punch, right, the objection and figure out, think on your feet, right?

24:03 

I have Well, first of all, I practice, practice, practice, practice. But I have the right attitude towards it. I view any objection is just a cry for help to make a better decision. So when someone objects, usually what they mean is, I don’t understand what this proposal is about. And I don’t want to look stupid by giving you my real reason. Or I don’t see the value in it yet. Or I’m not sure that I can actually make this work. So. So those are the things that are actually going on. You have to have the recognition that that any objection is just a cry for help. It doesn’t mean you’re going to lose. It’s a cry for help. Any objection also is just information you can use. Any objection is just a toy for me to play with. I don’t mind getting objections. What bothers me is getting no response at all. You can work with an angry response. You can work with a negative response, you can redirect that energy, but a neutral response where they say it’s very hard to work with neutrality. Yeah. Anger, yes. Love. Yes. But indifference, you’re really, you’re really going to have to push some buttons to get past indifference.

25:18 

Oh, Paul, I know that there’s a lot of indifference happening in sales these days. And I completely agree with you whether there’s emotion, good or bad, there’s energy to make a decision. Do I know you’re saying indifference is difficult? How do you move to emotion?

25:39 

I would have to push them out of their comfort zone a little bit sometimes, to sell, you need to get confrontational. I will push them out of the comfort zone, say, look, I am not really getting any response from you. I’m not here to waste your time. And you certainly don’t want to waste mine. And I’m not sure of all the ways you might stop and find yourself taking a breath and really maybe rethinking about how this might serve you. But as that’s taking place, what should we do next? Now, there’s a lot of hypnotic language there. First of all, you’re patient. You’re saying I don’t want to waste your time. You certainly don’t want to waste mine. But I’m not getting much response from you. So I don’t know how you might stop and find yourself. So I use a hypnotic phrase. Find yourself hip. Find yourself is what I call a trance phrase. A trance phrase is simply a phrase that implies and in gages, unconscious action, let me unpack that for you. Allison, did you ever just find yourself with your head in the refrigerator? And you don’t even remember what it is you’re looking for? Yes, that’s a big Yes. Correct.

26:53 

I’m sure yes.

26:54 

All right. Do you ever just find yourself falling in love?

Unknown Speaker  26:59 

Yes.

27:00 

Do you ever self ever find yourself falling out of love and wondering what the heck was I thinking? Yes. Do you ever find yourself driving along the highway and suddenly 10 miles has gone by and you don’t even remember that? 10 miles. Alright, these are natural processes in the unconscious mind. So a trance phrase would be something like allow yourself find yourself, discover yourself, they actually create a hypnotic process. That implies that there’s no need to participate. And there’s no possibility of resistance. Though I would move them off it by pacing them, and then giving them the hypnotic suggestions to finding themselves to find themselves thinking things differently. That’s what I would try. That’s what I biggest attempt that but in difference, I can work with negativity, I can work with anger. I can work with interest and love. But the hardest thing is neutrality and indifference.

28:02 

Do you have any insights as to what causes that state? In difference?

28:04 

Yeah, I think a lot of people frankly, are running around, Well, a couple of different things. They may just be completely unaware of what it is they want. Oftentimes, I think it could be an internal conflict. And sometimes people just numb. They just numb out dumbed down and overwhelmed. Nowadays, I think one of the biggest issues whether you’re in sales, or whether you’re enrolling people in your leadership vision is that people again, don’t trust their ability to make a good decision. It’s Yes, they may or may not trust you. But I’ve shown you how to handle that with those implied relationship words, but they oftentimes don’t trust themselves. They’ve been burned so many times by big institutions. And they’re overwhelmed. overstimulated, back in my day. I’m 62 Back in my day when I was a younger person. We didn’t even have cell phones now you have Facebook instant messenger. You have Twitter, you have you name it, now they have one What is it? The one where everyone hangs out and you can talk to each other at the same time? I don’t even know. So people are so in credibly distracted. So I think it’s a combination of things that creates it.

29:32 

Ay, ay ay ay, agree, I can recognize all of those things for sure. I’m sticking with the concept of playing some of these concepts to sales. What is the first thing about your prospect that you say you must focus on and take into consideration if you want to skyrocket yourself?

29:50 

Again, what state of mind? Are they in and more importantly, what state of mind? Do you want to move them towards what states do you want them in? To focus a state of trusting you a state of willingness and eagerness to learn, you got to look at selling to me is about constructing different states of mind. And you have to look at your own state of mind. Are you alert? Are you grounded in your body? Are you interested in the sale and invested in your skills? Or you invested in the sale and just interested in your skills? And a breakfast of bacon and eggs? one animal is interested, the other animals invested. Right? So glad you like my metaphors I teach. My mother taught me in metaphors. When I was a little boy. She didn’t give me information directly, she would just talk to me and myths and legends. So it really shaped how I think God bless mom. May she rest in memory before a blessing?

30:52 

That’s a great metaphor.

30:55 

Can we focus on I like the fact that we can only control what state we’re in really, right.

31:02 

And we can highly influence other people.

31:07 

That’s how I got my girlfriend. Look at this face. People able to see the videos, audio only.

31:14 

Depends if we have a clean feed all the way through it will it will go up on YouTube, if it’s all good.

31:19 

Well, if you’re only listening to audio, I can tell you I’m uglier than sin. In fact, sin runs away screaming when it sees my face. But my girlfriend is extremely beautiful. And let’s just say I use some romantic engineering to initially get her interested in me. She told me you know, the first time she hung out with me, she looked at me and thought No, he’s not my type of women. Half an hour. She’s feeling intrigued. The next half hour she said, I felt like I was your entire world. And then the next half hour, I felt like I’d known you my whole life. I’m thinking Hmm, I wonder how that happened. So I engineered it.

32:01 

Love that. That’s a good transition to that’s a good date. That’s right. You were dating coach. Right?

32:08 

As a matter of fact, Tom Cruise played me in the movie Magnolia. Really? Yes. I never got to meet him though.

32:17 

That’s fabulous.

32:20 

Wow, that’s a feather in your cap for sure. Um, you have me off track. So I wanted to just dive in for a minute about how what are some of the specific techniques to be grounded in ourselves and get our own state of mind in the right place so that we’re actually functioning at an optimal level to use other techniques.

32:41 

Oh, boy, I know this one, I had to learn this one. And I had to teach it to my guys, because guys would say to me, you know, Paul, I can use your stuff to approach women who are playing Jains, but when they’re, I don’t mean to be sexist in my language, forgive me, this is their words, not mine. But when they’re super hot nines and 10s, I fall to pieces. And so what I come to do when I teach all my sales people in my leadership trainees to do is ground into your body. Put 20% of your attention on the feeling of your feet on the ground when you’re talking to people, just as you’re listening to me today, make a commitment to when you’re talking to anybody. Just put 20% of your attention on the feeling of your feet in the ground. And notice how it changes your voice tone, the way the look in your eyes, the way people listen to you. second bit is to breathe from the belly, do deep belly breathing, not high in the chest. This turns off the fight and flight mechanism. And then if you really freak out, this is gonna sound really nuts. But bat bleep crazy. If you’re really freaking out, look with your peripheral vision defocus your forward vision and liquid your peripheral vision. And I’ll tell you why. We as upright standing mammals with our eyes in front of us are predators and we’re looking for prey and we’re also looking for other predators. When we’re under attack people’s vision narrows you ever heard the phrase tunnel vision? Yes. That’s what happens your breathing gets goes from here, the blood rushes to your muscles away from your viscera. And so your body doesn’t need digestion when you’re ready to fight. When you defocus your vision and look peripherally, you back out of that narrow vision you back out of the fight flight so by breathing, grounding into the ground. And if you’re in panic mode, the parachute is on fire. Do you focus your vision? Do it to your physiology, though. Don’t try to talk yourself into it. If you’re already talking your way in it’s too late.

34:42 

Oh, interesting. Very good tips. On the on the concept of grounding though I can actually physically feel the difference in that just having the focus there. Well, I like it. Um, let’s see. I had one more thing. So how do how to do how do traditional common teachings about mindset actually get in the way of our progress?

35:11 

Right? So, traditional mindset teaching has to do with affirmations about your identity. Like, let’s say you come to and you say, I, I’m just no good when it comes to talking on stage, traditional mindset teaching would be to give yourself affirmations like, I am a great teacher, I am a great speaker, I am a great leader. The problem with that is your unconscious mind has millions of examples of you thinking, I’m no good, I’m no good, I’m no good, I’m no good. And it creates a tremendous cognitive tension between those two, opposite equal and opposite commands. As a metaphor, I like to teach a metaphor when I was a kid, being Jewish, we celebrated Hanukkah, and my sister Anita bought my little brother stevia toy robot, this is 1966, I was eight years old, back then toy robots could do three things. You could make their eyes blink, that they were just lights, you can make them go forward, you can make them go backwards. So being a schmuck, which is a technical, psychological term, for a BA sta, or whatever. I pressed forward and backwards at the same time, and the robot started to shake blue smoke came out of its robot. But as the wires burned, and it fell over on its face, the robot had an internal conflict, because it was getting to equally strong signals to do opposite things. So when we tried the traditional thing of saying, I am a great salesperson, I am a great speaker. the unconscious mind says No, you’re not. No, you’re not. No, you’re not alone in any battle between the conscious and the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind always went Oh, he’s always always it is the boss. So what I teach people to do when they have negative thinking is to use three magic words, I normally only teach this to my VIP clients, may I share it as a bonus with your audience?

37:10 

That would be amazing.

37:11 

The words are up until now, up until now, I was not a great speaker. Up until now. I was not a great leader. Up until now, it was my experience that I was not a great leader that really dissociates it. So when you use the words, up until now you’re taking that belief, you’re putting it squarely in the past, you’re saying to the unconscious mind, Okay, I get it. Up until now. I wasn’t good at this. So it’s not denying it. So you no longer have that internal conflict, separating it from your identity. It’s not saying it’s who you are. Up until now, it was my experience that I was not a good speaker. Hear that you hear the distinction between the two. So those words up until now will allow you to separate out from virtually any negative belief. Just stick them right in front of the negative belief.

38:08 

Awesome.

38:09 

I am, I am super excited to start to practice some of these things. And I’m going to try and close so before but before we do, I’ll try. I’m going to naturally and easily allow yourself to do that. What is the best way for listeners who would like to get more of what you offer and to connect with you.

38:36 

I have a super goodie basket gift basket. gift basket goodie package called my rapid sales accelerator training. It’s totally free. It’s my way of saying Look, I know I’m a little bat bleep crazy. Try this stuff for free, see the results and then come back if you want to. So it consists of a 23 minute audio training on some principles I use from the time I was nine years old, to the present day to make millions of bucks. It is the first four chapters of my book subtle words that sell on mindset. It’s all on mindset. And then I have a special PDF report on how to crush objections. Using pattern erupts. You can get instant access to all of this by going to Paul Ross book.com. That’s Paul Ross book.com

39:22 

Fantastic Paul.

39:26 

I want to thank you for joining us today and I wanted pleasure nors for joining us to explore the subtle words that sell together and I invite you to share this episode with others if you found it valuable. yourself having not yet liked the deliberate leaders podcast we invite you to do so. How’d I do? Was that okay?

39:49 

Are we good? I would say up until now. If you had if you had yet to like and subscribe to this podcast. I’m curious. about all the ways you might easily find yourself doing that right now.

40:04 

Oh, it’s dancing thing.

40:10 

That’s a wrap.

40:11 

Thank you.

40:13

You’re welcome.

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