Amplify Your Success By Increasing Your EQ with Michele Molitor

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Allison: Welcome back to the Deliberate Leaders podcast. I am your host and executive coach Allison Dunn. We have with us today, Michelle Molitor, she is going to be discussing how to amplify your success by increasing your EQ your emotional intelligence. Michelle, thank you so much for joining us today.

Michelle: Thanks for having me, Allison. It’s a pleasure to be here.

Allison: Wonderful. I was hoping that you would just share a little bit about who you are.

Michelle: Sure. So I am a coach and a Hypnotherapist. So I combine these modalities together in what I call rapid rewiring. And I’ve been doing this work for over 20 years now. And essentially, I help people rewire their brains with a new empowering thoughts and beliefs, both consciously and subconsciously, creating whole brain transformation, both for their career and their personal lives.

Allison: I love that I I’ve never personally been hypnotized. You’re not going to do that, while we’re on this podcast? Are you?

Michelle: I promise I only use my powers for good, not evil.

Allison: Wonderful. In these interviews, I’d like to kick it off with a deliberate conversation, what would be your number one leadership tip for our listeners?

Michelle: Gosh, is to really be mindful of the impact that you are having through your energy through your words, through your actions in your interactions, because they speak volumes.

Allison: Yeah, that is, that is a great tip. I think that one of the challenges that I see that a lot of leaders have is they don’t necessarily recognize the energy that they bring to something good or bad sometimes, and it’s just such a good opportunity to reflect and say like, what’s, what kind of energy do I want to bring to something? If someone wants to bring better energy? What are some of the tips that you would suggest?

Michelle: Sure, well, it’s first noticing what is your own internal dialogue? What is that conversation with your, that you’re having with yourself? And how is it? How is it impacting your behaviors, your mindset, your communications with those around you, whether it’s your employees are your you know, higher ups. That dialog, changes everything. So when you find a better place to stand within yourself, by turning down the volume on any negative mindsets that you might be having, then it helps amplify your positive energy, your positive mindsets, and that becomes a magnet for other good things in your life.

Allison: Thank you, you have some insight on how to re wire our brain. And I’m just fascinated. Tell us more.

Michelle: Sure. So I am secretly a science geek. And I love neuroscience. I’ve spent the last 20 plus years delving into what makes us tick as human beings and why some people are confident and other people aren’t confident. My common has got shattered in my former corporate career and created a massive case of impostor syndrome, which is what led me to my work as a coach and ultimately Hypnotherapist.

And so what I’ve learned through neuroscience and neuroplasticity, and epigenetics and so many different of these scientific studies is knowing that our mind creates the thoughts which then create the emotions. And those emotions then trigger a whole cascade of physiological responses and chemicals in your body. Right. So when you can start to take better control of the thoughts that you’re thinking, turning the negative thoughts into more positive empowering thoughts.

You’re creating a shift not only in your mindset, but also in your body in your physiology, because all those negative thoughts, they create negative chemicals, cortisol, adrenaline, etc. Which leads to stress which builds up and over time, that disease that being uncomfortable in your skin can lead to true literal physical manifestations in your body of health impacts, whether it’s from chronic migraines, to IBS, to you know, the other end of the spectrum strokes and heart attacks. So simply by starting to change how you think about things, changing your perspective, you can have a very positive impact on your life. on your body, which then of course gives you the energy to do your good work in the world.

Allison: Yeah. I was just having a coaching session with a client this morning. And I’m not going to call his name out. But we were talking about, he was getting some inbound inquiries regarding some of his past work. To have him do more consultative specialty type work. And he’s like, instant like, I feel like I’m feeling like an impostor. Like, that’s not what my degree is. I’m not a scientist, I don’t, I don’t have a process. We’re just we’re kind of working through these things that are new to new and there’s no process he’s like, but I don’t know the science of it. I just know what I know, to test and muddling through it. And I’m like, You’re innovative, right? You’re cutting edge. You’re groundbreaking on this? And he’s like, Yeah, and I’m like, St. You’re not an impostor? I don’t I can’t I you know what I mean, it’s not my background and like, having him see the other side of it. So, imposter syndrome is something that a lot of people talk about. And a lot of people feel so what? What are some of the techniques to kind of quiet that side of our brain? And the thoughts that come with that to rewrite it?

Michelle: Sure. Well, first and foremost, is recognizing it. Right? Wow, I have this belief of who am I? Why shall I be the one standing up on stage or talking about this? I just know this much. But the truth of the matter is, each person is unique in their genius and their life experiences, which informs their work, right? So starting to recognize that and, and then noticing how you can shift that dialogue with yourself, right? You did a beautiful job of it.

You took your client from I’m an impostor to I’m innovative, right? So finding the exact positive opposite of those negative limiting beliefs as a quick way to literally shift your perspective. Because if you look at both thoughts, right, I’m an imposter. I’m innovative. And you ask your client, which one feels better, they’re going to go, Well, I’m innovative, that feels better. I’m like, okay, great, well, then do the thing that feels better, right? Because that’s what elevates your energy. That’s what gets you motivated from the inside out. Even if you don’t fully believe it in the moment.

The more you tell yourself something, right Repetition is key. The more you tell something, tell yourself something, you’re building new neural pathways in your brain. It’s why in in my work, I create these custom recordings for my clients and they listen to them every night is they drift off to sleep, as they’re going from beta brainwaves down to Alpha down to delta brainwaves, because your brains always listening and taking in that information, whether you’re talking to yourself, whether you’re getting it off the television, off a podcast, or listening to a recording as you drift off to sleep at night. So tell yourself better things, and you will get better results.

Allison: You were talking about the fact that you had a major shift in your career? And then that was an altering point for you, can you share a little bit of that story, I’m sure that others will relate to parts of it or get a better understanding?

Michelle: Absolutely. So in my former career, I was a creative director in web development and high tech. And essentially, I got bullied out of my job. And it was really devastating. And it crushed my confidence. It decimated my sense of self-worth. And I was quite a deer in the headlights of gosh, what do I do now. And it’s what led me to coaching to help me figure out what to do. And in the process of being coached my whole my whole body was like, Oh, this is what I’m supposed to be doing. Look over here, right?

So I pivoted my career, and got trained and certified, and, and hung out my shingle back in 2001. So I’ve been doing this a long time. And I’m constantly seeking out new tools and new technologies that help us get at the root causes of those limiting beliefs. Because it wasn’t the event itself of being bullied out of my job was bad, yes. But it was laying on top of a whole foundation of a sense of lack of worth a lack of I’m enough feelings, because of my own experiences in my childhood.

And so what I’ve discovered is that when you get at those root causes that are held in your subconscious programming, you can’t access them through the 10% of your brain that is just your conscious mind. Right when you get those and you neutralize those limiting beliefs, it helps eliminate the trauma out of your system. So that then you can move forward far more powerfully and start telling yourself new beliefs and habits that work for you instead of ones that are holding you back.

Allison: Again, I position that I’ve never done hypnosis or hip hypnotic therapy. I think I find it incredibly fascinating. So do I. What, what would be is that beneficial to 100% of the people because of that subconscious belief system that we don’t know of what’s holding us back or? I mean, talk me through like, when would someone go? I need hypnotherapy?

Michelle: Help? Sure, sure. Now, that’s a great question, Allison. So the folks who typically come to me are the folks who have tried a whole lot of other things. They’ve had coaching, I’ve had therapy, they’ve done different modalities to try and get at the thing that’s got them stuck, that’s got them blocked, and they still can’t seem to get out of the way. Because oftentimes, those other modalities are dealing from that 10% conscious level that beta brainwave state.

And so hypnotherapy is just a tool that allows me to talk to your subconscious mind, which is that alpha brainwave state, and it’s something that we all experience every single day, if you’ve ever driven from your house to the grocery store, and you’ve been thinking about three or four things, right, I got to get the laundry, I got to pick up this at the grocery store, right? You magically arrive at the grocery store? That’s that alpha brainwave that subconscious mind that’s taking you from A to B. So it’s a very common thing. It’s just how do you access that with the help of someone else, to get it those causes which are stored conveniently in in your subconscious mind.

So everything that’s ever happened to you, is all stored there. And we tend to block out the things that are painful, right, for our own sense of self preservation. So going into hypnosis is not about reliving traumatic events. It’s simply about recognizing, oh, that happened. And it created this belief. And is that belief serving me anymore? No, it’s not. So what’s a new belief? So that’s the rewiring process. We, we choose new beliefs, new thoughts, and we start instilling them dropping those into your subconscious, which then paves over the old beliefs and rewires the mind with these new ways of thinking, believing and behaving in the world.

Allison: Fantastic I think so, if I am to understand this, it’s partly record uncovering and then record identifying what the thing is. And then the rework that repeats over it’s in the process that you take clients through, which one takes the most amount of time. The uncovering, or the repaving real.

Michelle: So I do all my work over zoom, hypnotherapy, it’s typically a 90 minute to two hour session. Right? Followed by listening to that recording every night, over 20 to 30 days, right. And so it’s that the, in the session time that we have that we identify and connect the dots between sometimes disparate events that have happened in your life that created beliefs that are now getting retriggered and showing up in your current day circumstances, right. So you’re like, oh, wow, look at that I had never connected those dots together.

So understanding is power. And now with that new understanding, it’s like, well, what do I want to tell myself instead? Well, I could choose to tell myself, I’m not enough. Or I could choose to tell myself I am enough, right? So then I take all of the nuances of the conversations I’ve had with a client, and I weave in into what I call a transformation recording. So that recording which is usually 20 to 30 minutes long.

They listened to as they drift off to sleep, and then a very relaxing tone, combined with binaural beat music. It’s purposely intended to have you drift off to sleep, so that your mind just continues to absorb, right, you’re absorbing I am enough. I believe in myself, I love myself. I am capable. I am confident whatever those words need to be. And that’s what building the new neural pathways, and that’s what takes a little bit more time, hence why I have the recording for them. So you get to, you know, change, change your brain and change your life, obviously, what’s better than that?

Allison: Seriously, right? The chemistry side of things you were bringing up the adrenaline and cortisol and how that causes disease and it builds up in your, in your body. What are some of the things that we physically can do or what are techniques to identify and help our body not to do that?

Michelle: Sure, well, your body is hardwired to react to the beliefs and the thoughts that you have your amygdala, that part of your brain that is your fight flight or freeze mechanism, that’s the part that’s trying to protect you to keep you alive. I like to call her Amy, Amy is your amygdala. And she’s just, she just loves you, and she wants you to stay alive, right. So if she thinks that a saber toothed tiger is running after you, then you’re going to run and your body is going to fill with adrenaline so that you can do that. Now, Amy doesn’t recognize that the saber toothed tigers actually your boss, right, or the argument you had with your spouse, or the challenge you had at school with your kids teacher, right, whatever that might be.

And so learning how to start to calm your own system in those difficult moments is really, really key. So mindfulness is a really powerful tool to help you lower your own stress levels, and be able to come back to a place of center as quickly as you can. When your amygdala has gotten triggered. It’s called a high your amygdala hijacks your brain, literally. So when in those moments of stress, say you get an argument with your boss, right? What happens is, the amygdala is like, oh my gosh, we’re in danger. And so all the blood literally leaves your prefrontal cortex, which is your amical analytical thinking part of your brain, and runs to your amygdala to send out these signals to the rest of your body.

And sometimes I can take 20 minutes to 24 hours for your brain to come your thinking brain to come back online. So the more you’re able to create a shift change for yourself, and go, Okay, that was a moment. And let me take a few deep breaths and call my system down so that you can come back to your thinking brain and make the judgment calls or the have the conversations that you need to have from a more self-aware place versus being operated from your fear.

Allison: Okay. That makes a ton of sense. And I relate to it a lot. In, in your work that you’ve done, you also do a lot of work around self-doubt, which I feel is like similar to an imposter syndrome concept. Can you talk through that with us? Everyone has self-doubt, right.

Michelle: Absolutely. And, and what I found for all my, my research, Alison, is that impostor syndrome, is this kind of politically correct term, right that we can banter about in workplaces? Like, oh, yeah, I have impostor syndrome. It’s this nice way of saying, I have self-doubt. Right. But we don’t like to talk about self-doubt, because that feels a little too vulnerable. Right. And so, and all the studies that I’ve done, I’ve identified five self-doubt archetypes that we tend to all have different versions of them. One might be more predominant, similar to like your love languages, right? There’s usually one love language that is our most prominent that we lean towards. It’s the same thing with the self-doubt archetypes.

There’s the procrastinating perfectionist, the shapeshifter, the reluctant resistor, the anxious avoider and the fearful follower. And each one of these are triggered by different essentially traumas that we have lived through in different ways. So for example, the shapeshifter is someone who’s masterful at juggling lots of things, lots of roles, lots of tasks to please others, oftentimes because they had a very overbearing or even a narcissistic parent growing up, so they do these things. In order to stay safe, and to create some level of feeling loved, so when you can start to identify the type of self-doubt that you that you are leading yourself with, right, then you can start to see, oh, okay, I can start to connect those dots of how I got to this point, and make new choices for myself about how I want to move through the world more effectively. That’s

Allison: Awesome. I would love for you to give just a little bit more detail on each of those. So anyone listening could get a sense of oh, okay, like, this is what I should do some more research on and check out.

Michelle: Absolutely. So the procrastinating perfectionist, these are our friends who procrastinate, they overwork because they want to get it all perfect. It has to be right before they’re able to release something out into the world. And so they tend to overwork and get burned out because they’re trying to do so much because they’re revisiting and reworking and revisiting and reworking. It Shapeshifter as I mentioned, is someone who’s masterful at juggling and people pleasing, because there’s simply their body’s telling them, oh, my gosh, you have to do this to stay safe, right because of their previous life experiences.

The Reluctant resistor, these are our friends who were are so afraid to be seen or judged or rejected for their work, they’re reluctant to take on new challenges. So they tend to hide out in the background. They don’t take credit for their own work. The anxious avoider these are, this is my personal favorite. Someone who’s so afraid of being rejected for not knowing enough. They’re always collecting new, new degrees, new certifications. And they just don’t like asking for help. Because they feel like they just have to do it all by themselves, because there’ll be they’ll be judged and rejected.

And then number five is the fearful follower. And these are friends who will follow other people’s advice, instead of trusting their own instincts because they don’t think that they actually know enough yet. So it might, it might feel like you have a little bit of each one of those. And that that can be true. I’ve had clients tell me Well, I’m a fearful follower over here at work. But at home, I’m a shapeshifter who lost power.

Allison: And now we’re back and so sorry about that. That little glitch right there. Michelle, you just finished sharing about the five archetypes, two archetypes of self-doubt. And I super appreciate you sharing that I do believe that you have an opportunity for our listeners to access that, in fact,

Michelle: Yes, yes, I have a self-doubt quiz. It takes about three minutes for you to go through to help you identify your number one self-doubt archetype and give you some tools and tips on how to start moving past that. So I’m happy to share that with you for the show notes.

Allison: Fantastic. I will make sure that I include that and then Michelle, what is the best way for people to connect or follow you?

Michelle: Sure, you can always find me on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram under rapid rewire. And I have a free group on Facebook called rewire for success. So come on over. It’s a lovely community and you get all sorts of great tips every day.

Allison: Cool. Michelle, thank you so much for all of your insights today and for the work that you do.

Michelle: Oh, my sincere pleasure. Thank you, Allison. It’s great to be here with you. Take care.