POINTS TO PONDER
•Don’t be afraid to paint the lines. Make them clear. Use iridescent paint so they show up in the darkness of confusion.
•Be sure the lines represent the same things on each road.
•If your own experience tells you that a line isn’t right, step up and change it and let everyone know.
•Count on your children to test the signs and the lines. That’s how they learn. Be sure they have the consistent lines to learn from.
Personal Example
Tom really wanted to have some friends over for the Super Bowl. He was 18 and a freshman in college. When his parents were growing up, the drinking age was 18, but now the drinking age was 21. In college he was able to drink as often as he wanted to, so when he came home for the weekends he didn’t see the problem of drinking at home. His father went a long with this attitude, but his mother felt it was not sending the right message to Tom’s younger siblings and it was against the law which she didn’t feel was right to break. Tom went to his father to ask permission to have some friends over for the Super Bowl and asking if they could drink. The father said “yes, the mother left the house.
Giving mixed messages leads not only to manipulation but to marital and family issues as well. This behavior doesn’t happen by accident. The child pushes on the most obvious issues as they develop their need for independence. The irony is how parents handle the situation greatly influences how long it will take for them to simulate the principles they grew up with.
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White Lines
Can you imagine for a moment what it would be like to drive down an unfamiliar road with no lines painted on it? We have probably all had that experience at one time or another. Perhaps you have found yourself on a newly resurfaced road and they haven’t gotten to the line painting yet. Maybe you remember a foggy night you’re returning home late and you can’t see the lines. Think back. How did it feel? Uneasy, to say the least. Scary. Most uncomfortable. And you found yourself going slower and slower, wanting to be home, snug in bed, but delayed because you couldn’t see the lines. NO BOUNDARIES! Where is the edge? Where is the middle? If you do not know the answer to these questions, how can you feel safe on this road?
Take a moment and ask yourself where are the white lines for my children. They are most assuredly traveling down an unfamiliar road. The road signs they see everyday are not as reassuring as they would like them to be. A curve ahead sign, slow down to 45! Is there really a curve or is there open highway as suggested by some of the leaders of this country, or top sports figures, or peers who are just as confused as we are. Bumpy road, smooth road, hill, flat, railroad crossing – so what? Save money, spend money, earn it, hurry up and get it, don’t cheat on grades, okay to cheat the insurance companies – respect your parents, my in-laws are killing us. It is the way of things – life is full of conflicting signs. A child’s job is to test the signs. When he sees the curve, 45 mph sign, he wants to see if they mean it or can you do 55 and if you can do 55, will 63 work – until finally tires squeal. Experience reigns, we slow back down and take a note.
So with all these signs put up by so many conflicting interests, how important do you think are the white and yellow lines? Without them, your chances of getting down that road without mishap are pretty slim. Maybe you will say heck with this road, I’ll take another or do like my grandfather used to do with the ’35 pickup in Maine. He would just turn into the woods taking the path of least resistance, hoping he would not hit a tree too big to push over. Often he would end up pretty close to where he wanted to be, but it was a scary ride resulting in a very crooked road.
As you take a look at the white lines you are painting for you children, ask yourself: are these lines as accurate as I know to make them? Does the solid white line along the edge really mark the edge? Are the broken lines in the middle really in the middle? When the lines indicate safe to pass, is it a straight away up ahead? Are those of us who are in charge of these lines painting them the same on each road or do they mean something else on different roads. Imagine how terrifying that would be to have the lines mean one thing on a country road and just the opposite on the four-lane road. (Click here to take parenting quiz)
To see the VIDEO on White Lines click here.
