The Chase is On…
All living things are born into this world with one universal drive: the desire for survival. It is a factor that we all share. Survival is generally difficult, and only guaranteed, if we, as individuals, can master some control over our environment. Just think about the tenacity of the newborn—dependent upon acquiring sustenance from its mother in order to survive. That infant is born “hard-wired,” or preprogrammed, to exert control over its primary food source.
Consider that it is the pursuit of control that provides human beings with the capacity to meet their essential needs. It is that drive that propels us to obtain the raw elements—oxygen, water, food, and shelter—necessary for survival. Of course, that perceived need for control is not merely limited to the acquisition of simply basic resources. Rather, that desire, or “program,” governs human behavior across the broad spectrum of life-perpetuating activities: including the ways we deal with personal relationships. This belief leads us to a very significant point for parents:
It is in the pursuit of control, not necessarily the winning of control, that most children and adolescents are driven. The process of the pursuit provides us with many of the central experiences and lessons of life.
Our children are driven to chase control, much in the same way that a dog is driven to chase cars. The dog has no plan if he catches the car. Have you ever seen a dog actually driving a car? (We hope not!) So, what’s in it for the dog? The value is in the chase. In a similar fashion, our children doggedly engage in the pursuit of control—attempting to win battle after battle on the home front—without a real plan for action should they win the war.
At this point, it may be helpful to consider The Rob Spear Definition of Parenting:
Parenting is the art of managing the transition from a child’s desire for control to their acceptance of responsibility.
