The Anchor and the Chain

  Have you ever been on a boat that was being anchored for a time?  Perhaps you were planning to spend the night in a protected cove or you were stopping for a swim and picnic in a really picturesque little inlet.  Maybe you were fishing and finally happened on that perfect spot where the fish were madly biting and you dared not move away.  What do you do to insure your position?

The experienced boat captain would probably throw the anchor over the side and then rev the engine in reverse to make certain that it will hold.  What if the anchor should slip?  It would be important for the person in charge to pull up the anchor, to throw it out again, and to repeat the process until it takes hold.  When that anchor finally takes the strain without slipping, everyone tends to feel secure.  We’re not going anywhere, we’re not in danger: we can relax and concentrate on the other tasks at hand.

Remember our earlier discussion about safety, and the importance of feeling safe before we are willing to learn new things, to take risks, or to try changing our behaviors?  The “anchor and chain” analogy highlights the need all children have for the security of the firm hold.  How many times do we as parents “give in” (let the anchor slip) just when we were about to hold to a decision?  “Oh, this is a special occasion,” or “Alright, if you’re going to be that way about it, you can just go, I don’t care.”  When the metaphorical anchor slips, it is as if a child’s “worry” alarm is sounded.  Your child’s outward response may be “Great, I’m glad you see it my way,” while their internal response is often, “Oh, no, what do I do now?”

Despite the mounting pressure, you were able to hold firm to your judgment.  On this specific occasion, you do not allow your daughter or son to go to the event in question.  Fully expecting the resultant abdication of your child from the family fold, you may be amazed by their subsequent behavior.  You may observe a total change of attitude in your child—frequently, an air of calm replaces their earlier sense of outrage.  Puzzled, you may quietly query a friend or spouse:  “What happened, here?” 

Well, what you have just observed is the principle of the “anchor and chain” in action.  Your child has tested the limits of their personal universe and found a tremendous relief that their security is intact.

Do not be afraid to stick to your decisions.  Often, it is not your child being tested, but you!

RETURN TO LIBRARY