Reality Check
A while back a family called me to see if I could help them with a plan for their troubled son. He was unhappy, angry, not motivated, spent way to much time on the computer playing games and had no interest in school; a story not unfamiliar to me. After much discussion we decided to enroll Scott in a wilderness program.
Six weeks later Scott invited me to attend his graduation with his family. There were hugs and tears of joy as Scott and his parents had found a new respect for each other and perhaps most importantly Scott had found respect for himself. After things had settled down, I thanked Scott for the invitation to be there, congratulated him on completing the course with such insight and asked him if there was something in particular that he learned that I might share on his behalf with other parents and students.
“Tell-em” he said, “that we create or own reality”.
I smiled and thought to myself, so true. As I thought about what he said I asked myself, why it took six weeks in the outdoors for him to realize this and what now?
What role do we play in delivering Scott’s message? How much do we protect our children from the reality they create? It is in our children’s best interest to learn this lesson while the stakes are low. For example the alarm clock lesson. How often do we wake and re-awake our children in order for them to be on time? If they are late for what ever, should we allow them to solve the problem or solve it our selves? If they miss the bus what do we do? Scold them and take them to school or allow them to walk or call a taxi to be paid for by them. We hear of moms going off to college and cleaning dorm rooms. Is not this the same issue only later on?
In other words do we make room in our lives for our children to experience their own reality?
As we get older the risk of reality gets greater and more expensive: trouble with the law, getting kicked out of school, not being able to live on their own. When is it best to learn Scott’s lesson? When it is about the alarm clock or something much more serious?
Think of Scott’s wilderness program which we refer to as STEP, Short Term Experiential Program as an accelerated remediation where one learns the true value of living with his own reality. If we can teach this lesson at home we are all better off.
