Firewall Words
Frequently parents will ask me, how do I tell my kid no or how do I get him or her to take responsibility, it seems they always have an excuse! These are good questions and older generations had a phrase for it, “let them stew in their own juice.”
How do we do that? We can use firewall words. A firewall or perhaps better called a reflector shield will reflect back to the sender the very excuses they are sending our way. This technique is very appropriate for any age. Let me give you an example. You make a deal with your teenager that goes something like this... when your homework is done and your room is cleaned up then you can go out Friday night. Friday night comes around down the stairs comes your little cherub announcing that their homework is done and they’re getting ready to go out. You ask about the messy room and they launch into a song and dance about how they had too much homework etc.
They are counting on us to make an amendment to the arrangement. We think to ourselves well at least they got the homework done, okay honey you can go out. After they are out the door you’re left standing there knowing that you have just been had, but not quite sure what to do about it or how to prevent it from happening again. This is where the firewall words come in.
· That’s unfortunate
· Nevertheless
· Regardless
Words are so simple and yet so powerful. I did not get my room cleaned because I had too much homework. You reply that’s unfortunate. But of course here’s the real hard part, now you have to be quiet and wait. It’s okay if it gets a little uncomfortable when it clearly is their move. If you have something else you’d like to do besides wait for the answer you might make the next move with nevertheless we had an arrangement and that’s what I’m sticking with. When they tell you they are tired of hearing nevertheless and that’s unfortunate you can come back with regardless that’s what we’re going to do .I hope you can see how this shifts the burden of responsibility back to where it belongs.
So think about what are you will say the next time you hear, “Can I have some more money I’ve used up my allowance?”
